Movie Death Match 2007 tuh 2008

3. Donnie Darko v 10. Chinatown
5. Double Indemnity v 12. Twelve Monkeys

Donnie Darko wins because I saw it on a terrible blind date, because it was written by my former boss's college roomate, and because I like movies where people travel through time and read wierd science books that their teachers aren't allowed to discuss with them after school without losing their jobs and where the wierd kid in school gets to have sex with the sexiest girl in school because she respects him for being so intellectually independent. It's also cool to think about jet engines falling through the roof and killing us in our beds.

And on the subject of time travel, Twelve Monkeys is the best time travel movie ever made. Every time I watch it I end up having nightmares about Brad Pitt and that picture of Bruce Willis standing naked in the background of a photograph from WWI. I've never been able to decide if that or the stairwell shot from Blue Velvet is the creepiest movie moment of all time. And then there's that awesome last scene where he calls the future, turns around and bumps into a guy from the future who came because of the call he just made, and then dies in front of himself in while running through a metal detector with a gun. And then the cool old lady from the future tells the guy who destroyed the world that she's in the insurance business - all of which is almost as cool as Christian Slater in True Romance, but not quite.

Dwight
30. Apocalypse Now vs 10. The Karate Kid
I remember loving the karate skid when i was a kid and into karate... but apocalypse now is something i'll always be into. everyday i take that trip down the river. everyday i see "the horror". sometimes it takes the shape of a bad movie like robin hood, prince of thieves. (we should drop the name of this movie every once in a while to make us feel better about our choices for best movie of all time)

7. Pulp Fiction v 14. Downfall
Downfall? more like... uhhh... hmmm... brownball? ha ha ha. pulp fiction wins!!!!
no movie has cooler dialogue and characters than this movie. eric stolz? come on. the man IS that drug dealer with the nagging druggie wife. he inspired the big lebowski with that house coat. and christian slater as the sidekick was awesome!!
let's not forget the soundtrack that showed us just how great surfer rock is, and that bryan adams could pull it off.

The Big Lebowski over Napoleon Dynamite

I guess it's pretty cool that the Mormons finally caught on to the leisure-suit, whimsical irony schtick a good twelve years after it became funny. It's also pretty hilarious that some people are rural and poor, and some mind-numbingly Mexican. That aside, I have to place my vote for the superior film, The Big Lebowski, which would have only been funnier had Bunny's friend Shari come over to use the shower in moon boots.

Sweet Hereafter over True Romance

I don't know much about True Romance, but the Sweet Hereafter is a film that stands on its own merits, whereas everything I've read about True Romance is qualified by the fact that it was Quentin Terantino's first film. Also, really, Christian Slater is just a douche. I can't get the image of him out of my mind as Kevin Costner's right-hand man in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Wow, I also can't believe I just typed the title of that movie--did I just ruin the tournament for everyone?

Hardest pick: Karl choosing between Punch Drunk and Tap
Easiest pick: Lee
Person who can do the least amount of damage to the tournament with their picks: Erik

Jeff
4. Office Space v 22. Jaws
7. Seven Samurai v 19. Top Gun

Karl
25. Punch Drunk Love v 18. This is Spinal Tap
2. Lord of the Rings v 24. Delicatessen

Joel
1. The Big Lebowski v 17. Napoleon Dynamite
4. Sweet Hereafter v 11. True Romance

Andy
28. Dead Alive v 21. Dog Day Afternoon
6. Goodfellas v 13. Crouching Tiger, Hidden

Erik
3. Donnie Darko v 10. Chinatown
5. Double Indemnity v 12. Twelve Monkeys

Lee
1. Bottle Rocket v 16. Better off Dead
8. The City of God v 18. The Life Aquatic

Joe
2. The Royal Tennenbaums v 9. All the Real Girls
6. The Usual Suspects v 20. La Femme Nikita

Dwight
30. Apocalypse Now v 10. The Karate Kid
7. Pulp Fiction v 14. Downfall

Boy, even when nothing's happening, this tournament is still the best.

Before moving on to round two, I think everyone can agree with the following proposal: Eric should be kicked out of the tournament.

See his latest post. Is this really doing justice to the spirit of the movie tournament when someone decides they like the word "Vertigo" better than the first line of the Netflix description for "You Can Count on Me"?

I'm not saying everyone needs to have watched everything they comment on, but Eric's "nuff said" and "deez nutz" attitude about justifying his choices needs a swift and decisive response.

10. Chinatown v 23. Barton Fink

It’s really tough for me to send another Coen bros movie packing, but again I can’t argue against a classic. This is cool Jack. This is cool everything. Film Noir is tough to do, yet it is so good when it works I wish more directors would give it a shot. See ‘Brick’ if you haven’t yet, but really see ‘Double Indemnity’ just because everyone should. Then, if you still have time, rent ‘Barton Fink’.



2. Lord of the Rings v 31. Crimes and Misdemeanors

Remember when the dwarf and the elf were joking about how the dwarf couldn’t see over the wall? Gold.

6. Goodfellas v 27. Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
14. You Can Count on Me v 19. Vertigo

I like how this contest has turned into a battle for the best plot description on google. The first two clauses of the description of You Can Count on Me on Netfilx were pretty boring: "Small-town single mom Sammy Prescott (Laura Linney) is preoccupied with raising her son Rudy (Rory Culkin), who's become sullen." So I guess I'll vote for "Vertigo" which is a pretty exciting word to think about. I only saw a few scenes from "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou," and it was really really good. But I'm voting for Goodfellas because I think that is what Lee would do.

True Romance (11) over Shrek (22)

I have never seen True Romance. I have seen Shrek.

Before Sunrise (10) over Decalogue (23)

I have seen several installments of Decalogue, none of which exactly make you want to take a last-minute weekend vacation to Warsaw in February. Actually, the bits I have seen were quite good, but not the stuff of which Movie Death Matches are made. Neither, for that matter, is Before Sunrise, which is admittedly an appealing film. Julie Delpy ultimately assuages any misgivings one might have about Ethan Hawke and his seven facial hairs. Spoiler alert: She also assuages his ass.

3. The City of Lost Children v 30. Evil Dead 2
Man, it sure does blow that I have to choose between these two movies. Evil Dead 2 is one of the best horror movies ever made. Perhaps the first self-concious horror movie ever. Scream, my ass. Wes Craven has nothing on Sam Raimi. Well, he probably has plenty on Sam Raimi, but not in this case. And don't get me started about Bruce Campbell. I like that guy so much that I actually went on ebay and bought the entire series of The Adventures Of Brisco County Jr on DVD. You read that right. That reminds me, it's a shame that Bubba Ho-Tep didn't make this precious movie tourny, because that's a damn good movie. At any rate, if you would have put City Of Lost Children up against the third Evil Dead movie, I would have gone with Bruce Campbell. But you didn't, and I won't.
14. Downfall v 19. Bringing up Baby
I get it, the title is a trick. You go into the movie thinking it's some family story, and the next thing you know, you're watching some crazy adventure about a leopard. Crafty, that's what that is. Nazi movie wins.

I've been meaning to watch The Apostle. Is it any good?

Fuck. Can't I just . . .
What if we just said that both . . .
Fuck.
Fuck it. I'm going Memento. Yes, I'm partly picking Memento because it was "different" and "creative." But I want to say for the record that I am not someone who is easily impressed by a formalistic conceit. There is no end of stories that rely almost entirely on a device for their power, and that's not usually a good thing. And telling a story backwards is not original, and I'm irritated whenever I hear someone imply that Memento was the first story to be told backwards, or that the "brains-in-a-vat" idea in Matrix was anything other than an old, tired sci-fi idea. Memento has an unlikely plot, a mostly one-dimensional character, and extreme formal constraints on how the story can be told. And I was awestruck by how well they executed it.

A devicey movie is good if you enjoy it, and it's great if you want to watch it again. Sixth sense: good. Fight club: good. Usual Suspects: great. Memento: great.

Little Miss Sunshine was also great. But Memento stands fairly alone, whereas, say, Pieces of April was at least as good as LMS, if not better.

13. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon v 20. Life is Beautiful
life is beautiful should have been a movie about how some chinese people could fly through the air without special effects. they could walk on bamboo and have tea while they dueled with special swords. the story should have had a tiger... a tiger in a crouching position. he wants to find a dragon, but the dragon is hidden. where is that dragon? where is the tiger for that matter? is life really so beautiful? only if you cut all your hair off, save for a long braided pony-tail.

11. The Professional v 22. La Avventura
this is what some site had to say about l'avventura: "A group of rich Italians head out on a yachting trip to a deserted volcanic island in the Mediterranean. When they are about to leave the island, they find Anna, the main character up to this point, has gone missing. Sandro, Anna's boyfriend, and Claudia, Anna's friend, try without success to find her. While looking for the missing friend, Claudia and Sandro develop an attraction for each other. When they get back to land, they continue the search with no success. Sandro and Claudia proceed to become lovers, and all but forget about the missing Anna."

you know how movies sometimes suck so much balls that you can't finish them? or how movie descriptions suck so much monkey poop that you never want to start watching the movie? i feel that now.
thusly, la professional wins! not because l'avventura sounds so bad that i feel it should be in a competition for the worst movie of all time, but because friends don't forget about friends when their life is on the line. getting a little nooky isn't more important than finding a missing loved one. i mean come on! who does that. i realize scenarios in movies are given the freedom to go beyond social reasoning, but this is just too much. i feel for this missing person. i feel like this missing anna... tossed aside because someone wanted to choose high fidelty over eternal sunshine. who's in control here? who can i rely on? apparently not my friends. you've all decided to become rich italian lovers haven't you?

Delicatessen over A Clockwork Orange

I haven't seen it, but Delicatessen seems like it might be interesting. I found Amelie far too whimsical for my taste, but it was a well-made film, so I'd be willing to see something by its makers. Mainly, though, I'm voting against Clockwork Orange here. I started watching it with my friend Ruth one evening in college, and we had to turn it off, primarily because we were repulsed by the scenes of gang rape. I suppose thirty years ago, the shock value of Clockwork may have been necessary for, em, post-imperial Britain (yes, I just wrote that) hanging on to tea and decorum by the skin of its teeth. Today, its moral renegade schtick just seems a bit passe--in the same way I imagine Pulp Fiction will one day be (case in point, I really liked Pulp Fiction when it came out in the nineties). I'm willing to be firmly scolded and enlightened here, so, please, by all means. Perhaps it's just best understood as a period piece. But in the context of this tournament, premised on standards of timelessness, I'm forced to ask a timeless question: WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN??

Sweet Hereafter over Old School

Jeff is my friend, and I'd like it to stay that way--at least for the sake of free beer and Megan's sweetass vegan cupcakes. Thus, I have to place my vote for a movie that I think is kind of boring and not really that insightful over a film with everything from an incredible shot of Elisha Cuthbert's toosh in pink panties to a wedding singer who sings, "Every now and then I get little bit terrified, and then I see the fucking look in your eyes..."

Midnight Run wins over Volver

Because even though I haven't seen Volver, there's a reasons for it. Almost every other movie by that guy has left me disappointed. Everyone's always like, "oh, you gotta see the new Almodavar (sp?) film. It's so good." And then I see it, and I'm like, "Wow. That movie was amazingly unimpressive." Plus, I have a feeling that Midnight Run could be a Cinderella pick. This movie is funny. It has great dialogue. It has Charles Grodin before Beetoven. DeNiro before those crappy movies. And if anyone has a problem with my pick, here's a quote from the film itself: "Here come two words for you: shut the fuck up."

Alright, here are the final pairings for the first round. This'll give yous yags sometin ta do this weekend (that's my Jay Eenling impression). It would have been really interesting if some of these pairings people ended up with had been reversed. Instead it'll probably suck. Here goes.

Round One, Part Three:
Karl
6. Memento v 27. Little Miss Sunshine
12. Twelve Monkeys v 21. The Apostle

Joe
3. The City of Lost Children v 30. Evil Dead 2
14. Downfall v 19. Bringing up Baby

Andy
12. Volver v 21. Midnight Run
2. Star Wars v 31. Billy Madison

Dwight
13. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon v 20. Life is Beautiful
11. The Professional v 22. La Avventura

Lee
11. True Romance v 22. Shrek
10. Before Sunrise v 23. The Decalogue

Joel
9. A Clockwork Orange v 24. Delicatessen
4. Sweet Hereafter v 29. Old School

Eric
6. Goodfellas v 27. Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
14. You Can Count on Me v 19. Vertigo

Jeff
10. Chinatown v 23. Barton Fink
2. Lord of the Rings v 31. Crimes and Misdemeanors

2024 v. Tommy Boy

Does "2024" even exist. I looked all over on the web and couldn't find it anywhere. No pictures or anything. It sounds cooler than Tommy Boy though.

9. Sin City v 24. Spirited Away

Sorry guys. I never saw Sin City, and the pictures I found on Google didn't look very cool.

1. Magnolia v 32. Batman

Another very hard choice. Magnolia was good, not doubt about it. But Batman was the first movie I ever saw that my parents specifically told me not to watch. Be fore I saw it, I spent about eight months trying to imagine what the Joker looked like when he said "did you ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light," because that was what all the cool third graders kept quoting at recess. And we also used to pretend like we were watching GI Joe at my neighbor's house, so that we could flip over and maybe get a shot of the Prince video with that row of super hot Vicki Vails (which we also weren't allowed to watch). So I guess this is a nostalgia vote.

3. Fargo v 30. Apocalypse Now
This is a really tough one to call. I am basing my choice not on any short-coming with Fargo, but rather the staying power ‘Apocalypse Now’ has had with me. The scene with Kurtz will randomly pop into my head, even though I haven’t seen the movie in probably eight years. I know what Andy is thinking right now:
'The horror....the horror....'


16. Fight Club v 17. The Hudsucker Proxy
I really didn’t care for Fight Club. Then someone told me it was all about Nietzsche’s philosophy, and I liked it even less. Then came the surprise end which was ripped off from ‘The Sixth Sense,’ which I also hated. Plus, didn't they realize that rules number 1 and 2 were the same? Seems like a pretty big oversight. Rule number 2 should have been 'No more than 3 kicks to the crotch per match'. That way you can't just keep kicking the other guy in his junk over and over.


3. Donnie Darko v 30. The Bicycle Thief
Donnie Darko was a huge surprise for me. It came out of nowhere and pile-drived me to the mat, much like The Undertaker recently did with Mr. Kennedy. Plus that rabbit-suit’s dead eyes are almost as creepy as The Undertaker’s even deader eyes.

Hm, I'm kind of voting with The Man on these three, huh? Oh well. Sometimes The Seeding Man is right. I watched Hero in a crappy theater in East Cambridge. There was a handwritten sign on the door of the theater: "This film is not in English. The fact that the movie has subtitles is not a sufficient reason for a refund." The first time Jet Li flew off the ground, someone in back said, loudly and totally sincerely, "No way! You couldn't do that! This is stupid." Someone took a cell phone call, and talked for about five minutes, loudly, and then placed another call to talk with someone else about the first call. The theater cops came into the theater like four times. Anyway, I loved Hero. But not enough to beat out Kill Bill, apparently.

Hand me the keys, you fucking cocksucker.

I took this girl to the drive-in theater to see Crimson Tide. We had always flirted but were always dating other people; now, for once, we were both single, alone, in a car, with 116 minutes to ourselves. And I was too cowardly to even, like, hold her hand. We just, like, "talked." I blame the movie. Godfather never got in my way when it came to women. Plus, maybe if I had had the 537 combined minutes of Godfather, maybe that would have been enough time to not be such a wuss.

10. Blade Runner over 23. Hellraiser

I came late to Blade Runner, so I have no great affection for it, but reading the AMG description of Hellraiser led me into a torrid, fitless 12 hours of internet research last night into the at-once lusty and revolting world of cannabalistic S&M. Now, spent, exhausted, and nervously waiting for the government to come and seize my computer, I sit here convicted enough to place my vote for the tamer choice.

28. Dead Alive over 5. Ocean's 11

I'd never heard of Dead Alive, but after reading about it, it sounds like a pretty good movie, and maybe not one my ex-girlfriend would have forced me to watch nine times.

13. The Last Waltz over 20. Breakin'

Most people don't know that Bob Dylan's featured appearance in Scorsese's 1978 documentary was a major influence in DJ Kool Herc's original idea to move his body from the toprock to the downrock position, into a set of power moves, and then finish in a "freeze" or "suicide" pose.

Big Lebowski (1) over Mysterious Skin (32)

There are two reasons why I am obliged to vote for the Lebowski. One, Jeff Bridges' jellies. Two, while I really enjoyed Mysterious Skin, when I was in middle school my father caught me watching it on Cinemax and spanked me on the spot, so that anytime I try to watch it now, after Kirstin has gone to bed, I quietly loathe myself.

City of God (8) over Return to Oz (25)

City of God is a kinetic, heart-rending, beautifully shot film about being young, poor, and socially dislocated in modern-day Rio de Janeiro. I just looked at the entry in All Movie Guide for Return to Oz. Sweet Jesus H. Christ Jr.

Waking Ned Devine (7) over Bourne Identity (26)

I thought that this is a tournament for favorite movies ever, not a list of movies you would be willing to watch if they were to be shown on an airplane. Why Ned Devine? As I recall, there is no Julia Stiles, who could be hit by a car and still maintain a facial expression that says: 'Daddy pays for me to go to Harvard, where I am a solid B/B- student.'

Well sports fans, I don't know about you, but I'm still reeling from Round One. It's always tough to see a contender like 'Rushmore' go down so early.
That's true, guy, but there's a whole lot more left to this competition. Lot's of exciting matches, let's look at them now.

Round One, Part Two:

Karl
5. The Godfather v 28. Crimson Tide
6. The Usual Suspects v 27. Dressed to Kill
3. Kill Bill v 30. Hero

Joe
8. Annie Hall v 25. Punch Drunk Love
2. Amelie v 31. Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder)
4. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind v 29. High Fidelity

Andy
5. The Mission v 28. Eraserhead
12. The Graduate v 21. Dog Day Afternoon
2. The Royal Tennenbaums v 31. Brazil

Dwight
5. Double Indemnity v 28. My Name is Joe
7. Miller’s Crossing v 26. Pi: Faith in Chaos
7. Pulp Fiction v 26. Anchorman

Lee
1. The Big Lebowski v 32. Mysterious Skin
8. The City of God v 25. Return to Oz
7. Waking Ned Divine v 26. The Bourne Identity

Joel
10. Blade Runner v 23. Hellraiser
5. Ocean’s 11 v 28. Dead Alive
13. The Last Waltz v 20. Breakin

Erik
1. Magnolia v 32. Batman
9. 2024 v 24. Tommy Boy
9. Sin City v 24. Spirited Away

Jeff
3. Fargo v 30. Apocalypse Now
16. Fight Club v 17. The Hudsucker Proxy
3. Donnie Darko v 30. The Bicycle Thief

First time blogging. I hate the word "blog". Dwight's picks... GO!

1. Bottle Rocket v 32. Night of the Hunter

Never seen Night of the Cunter, but i researched it. It sounds really good. I like movies that are ahead of their time because the audience just isn't ready for it. I thought about voting for it without having seen it... BUT, Bottle Rocket has one of the funniest scenes in all movies. The one where luke and owen wilson are outside the building waiting for a cue. Luke is drawing in his book and flips through the pages to make a rough animation. Brilliant! That was way ahead of it's time too. Audiences are still watching it and trying to figure out how he made the characters move.

11. Kung Fu Hustle v 22. Buffalo 66

Too easy. I love the characters and pacing in Buffalo Shittysix... BUT, Kung Fu Hustle is my favorite movie of all time. The characters are awesome and so is the pacing. The only thing Kung Fu Hustle didn't have was buffalo.

13. Team America v 20. The Dark Crystal

Two words: Dark Crappal. I can't believe I just wrote that cause I don't believe that, BUT... no movie was more brilliant on the musical comedy side of things than Team America. Let's compare the music from these two movies. The Dark Crystal had flute-playing, dried up potatoes. Their gregorian chants did little to tickle my funny bone. In fact, I felt almost solemn and at peace. Not what one wants from a musical comedy. Meanwhile, little goobers are partying it up in a hole somewhere whilst falling into pots of soup... and THAT'S comedy?

Eleven Words: Durka Durka, I'm so wonewee, we need a montage, america...fuckya!

1. Rushmore v 32. Ghostbusters - I might as well come out and say it, Wes Anderson is wildly overrated. Rushmore isn't that great. Tennenbaums is terrible. I'll give you The Life Aquatic, but this isn't The Life Aquatic is it? I don't care what any of you say, Ghostbusters wins. Marshmallow Man. Fucking Marshmallow Man.

9. All the Real Girls v 24. Highway 61 - Higher seed wins. I won't even pretend not to be ignorant about these movies.

6. Indiana Jones v 27. The Fifth Element - There aren't many things that I like more than melting faces, but Leloo speaking the cutest gibberish EVER is one of them.