Sunday, April 29, 2007
Lee's Picks
Dazed and Confused (15) over Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (18)
In fairness, I saw Dirty Rotten Scoundrels a very long time ago and I've seen Dazed and Confused twice, and relatively recently. But the latter film has too much going for it for me fret about my bias. First, and most obviously, there is the sweet-ass classic rock. Second, there is Matthew McConaughey. I am not sure that he was aware that he was in a movie and not just hanging out in the Austin suburbs, but no matter, his performance borders on the sublime. The fact that he has spent the remainder of his career squeezing out turd after exquisite turd should not be held against him. Even Ben Affleck is tolerable because you are actively encouraged to hate him.
Jaws (22) over About a Boy (11)
Look, About a Boy is a good movie, and lets Hugh Grant do what he does best: cultivated loafing. Good music, Toni Collette, the uplift at the end. But let me draw your attention to another movie: fucking Jaws. Jaws represents a species that is today extinct: the thriller that takes it sweet time. Hey, there's Roy Scheider going to the store and buying supplies. Look, there's a hirsute Richard Dreyfuss tangling with the local poachers. Great Scott, there's a fucking three-ton shark eating a boat. And who wouldn't rather watch Quint give his fingernails-on-the-chalkboard speech than Hugh Grant going to the hair stylist?
The Shining (16) over The Goonies (17)
It hurts to vote against the Goonies. It is the first movie I remember seeing at the theater, and I still remember the chagrined expression on my father's face when they broke the pecker off the statue. But if you are like me and can't get enough of the hammy side of the Jack, then this movie is one to be cherished. It is the most inexplicably great movie about writer's block ever made. You actually want Jack to clock Shelley Duvall for interrupting him while he's working--the nerve of that bitch! Finally, the aforementioned phallic moment in the Goonies pales in comparison to the bear-suit fellatio of the Shining, which is funny and nauseating all at once, but mainly funny.
Dazed and Confused (15) over Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (18)
In fairness, I saw Dirty Rotten Scoundrels a very long time ago and I've seen Dazed and Confused twice, and relatively recently. But the latter film has too much going for it for me fret about my bias. First, and most obviously, there is the sweet-ass classic rock. Second, there is Matthew McConaughey. I am not sure that he was aware that he was in a movie and not just hanging out in the Austin suburbs, but no matter, his performance borders on the sublime. The fact that he has spent the remainder of his career squeezing out turd after exquisite turd should not be held against him. Even Ben Affleck is tolerable because you are actively encouraged to hate him.
Jaws (22) over About a Boy (11)
Look, About a Boy is a good movie, and lets Hugh Grant do what he does best: cultivated loafing. Good music, Toni Collette, the uplift at the end. But let me draw your attention to another movie: fucking Jaws. Jaws represents a species that is today extinct: the thriller that takes it sweet time. Hey, there's Roy Scheider going to the store and buying supplies. Look, there's a hirsute Richard Dreyfuss tangling with the local poachers. Great Scott, there's a fucking three-ton shark eating a boat. And who wouldn't rather watch Quint give his fingernails-on-the-chalkboard speech than Hugh Grant going to the hair stylist?
The Shining (16) over The Goonies (17)
It hurts to vote against the Goonies. It is the first movie I remember seeing at the theater, and I still remember the chagrined expression on my father's face when they broke the pecker off the statue. But if you are like me and can't get enough of the hammy side of the Jack, then this movie is one to be cherished. It is the most inexplicably great movie about writer's block ever made. You actually want Jack to clock Shelley Duvall for interrupting him while he's working--the nerve of that bitch! Finally, the aforementioned phallic moment in the Goonies pales in comparison to the bear-suit fellatio of the Shining, which is funny and nauseating all at once, but mainly funny.
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These choices are fucking foolish. Next time, why don't you do the actual picking yourself instead of delegating it to Dempsey.
So, basically, on your logic, if Matthew McConaughey and Ben Affleck showed up in a video with the Nuge, that would constitute a better cinematic experience than Steve Martin screaming from a moving car, "Oh, Lawrence, I think my testacles are dropping!"??
So, basically, on your logic, if Matthew McConaughey and Ben Affleck showed up in a video with the Nuge, that would constitute a better cinematic experience than Steve Martin screaming from a moving car, "Oh, Lawrence, I think my testacles are dropping!"??
Wait, are you implying that you like Dirty Rotten Scoundrels better than Dazed and Confused? I mean, I liked DRS quite a bit too. Then my dad got a job, and I could afford to go see a real movie.
Joel, I've been waiting for the right time to say this.
I'm your father, not your uncle.
Just kidding, I have no idea who your father is.
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I'm your father, not your uncle.
Just kidding, I have no idea who your father is.
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